From the Memoir: Malala's First Visit to Pakistan After the Attempt on Her Life
An excerpt from Finding My Way by Malala Yousafzai.
When I arrived in Birmingham for spring break, I told my dad we needed to go to Pakistan. If my college friends could visit during their holidays, I should have that right too. I was growing restless; it felt like if I didn’t go now, I never would.
“Let’s put it off until summer,” he said.
“If you want to wait, that’s fine. I’ll go on my own,” I replied, daring him. “I will book my own flight, leave this house in a cab, and call Moniba to pick me up when I land.” Deep down, I wasn’t that brave, but I wasn’t sure my dad realized that — which might give me some leverage.
Each time, the same response came back: “It’s not the right moment for Malala’s return.” My dad heard it so often I worried he was losing hope.
“It will never be the ‘right’ moment!” I exclaimed, trying to make him share my frustration. “I am a Pakistani citizen with a valid passport. They have no grounds to stop me.”
Though I sounded angry, my heart was breaking inside. At twenty-four, during just a few weeks abroad, I had experienced more reminders of home—food, music, sports, language—than I had in the previous five years. This sudden awakening felt painful, like blood rushing back into numb limbs.
I was tired of stalking old friends on Facebook and wandering streets on Google Maps. I couldn’t keep dreaming of home at night and waking up disoriented every morning.
Author’s summary: Malala’s longing for home grows urgent despite obstacles, revealing the deep emotional impact of displacement and the yearning to reconnect with her roots.